for the first time,i'm havin difficulty typing this out.
hmmm. i don't know where to begin.
ooh yay! i have adopted hong ping's rabbit,ah girl. brown netherland dwarf.real beauty.
and yea my first pair of hamsters,roborovski hamsters,decided to get it on and the female gave birth last thurs!
4 baby roborovskis.one happy family.but sadly i had to separate their father cos it distracts the mum frm feedin her hammies.
haha.I SIMPLY ADORE DEM TO BITS.
gonna head to sch tml to collect some books and then gonna head over to amk to check out the groomin shop,and then try to carry hp's cage home.
i really hope i don't oversleep,in the very least.

to Him. i actually decided against typin this out,but nvm. firstly, i think u're amazing. ure really special in ur own way.there's always this sense of familiarity with you.and i feel very gd just talkin to you.words are never enough to describe how i feel..i really couldn help it.it just kinda happened.you never fail to brighten up my day with your jokes and humour. and yea. it was the level at which i was so at ease with you.i'm always so happy around you,cos u're one of the rare few who actually understand the weird jokes i crack,and understand what i'm going through.

you're everythin i want.

to me,you're perfect.

i never was one to have sudden emotional outbursts.although sometimes i truly contradict myself. i still know myself that i'm not like that. it's been tough. life.

lately it has been rather draining emotionally. going through this really rough period in my life right now. i mean, to those close frens i have, it's been quite some time since it has happened. taking its toll is an understatement. its so demanding to know you can't change anything. it's not about nobility and changin the world shit, but there's a part of my life i would like to fill. for these few years, i've hidden within an unyielding shell. i've never had a chance to fully express, to fully comprehend, to truly feel and to truly let go...

as ppl who have met me describe me as vivacious, bubbly, direct to the point of being unknowingly blunt. i've always been explicit and extremely forthright. expressed views straightforwardly without thinkin. i've always been quite a carefree person, showing no signs of worries and tendencies of being filled with perplexity. ppl who know me know that. know that's who i am. my face is always plastered with a smile, even though not all the time, but once ppl make me laugh, everything else just fades away. i am easily amused, but i can be as easily vexed.

i'm a gemini, which means i have 2 sides of myself. i understand when ppl interpret my actions as being fake, attracting attention and whatsoever. i don't give a hoot about that. i am darn serious. i have been plagued by nasty rumous since god-knows-when. it gets on my nerves every damn time.
in my case, i've always had 2 sides. only a few ppl get to see both. and a rare few actually understand. i thank God for those people, i'll not be better off without them. i've never wanted people to sympathise, to pity or to even comfort me. i've just wanted someone to listen, to understand.

when i was younger, things that happened around here, i never did quite understand. i never had a chance to comprehend rows ppl had, why tempers arose, and why did they let it get the better of them. opinions never mattered, so i grew up as one with no presumably valuable views. naturally, i didnt understand then, but now i do. i grew up to be this opinionated bitch, so obviously i couldn't tolerate it when my views still didn't matter. i detested that particular feeling. even more than loneliness. but when opinions didn't matter, it led to insecurity, then resentment, then ultimately hurt and abandonment..

i saw the closest people around me break apart subsequently, i disguised my poignant sorrow for as long as i could remember. it had always hurt, sometimes too much to bear, but sometimes it seemed like it didn't matter. it went on and on.. it never disheartened me entirely cos i always held a beacon of hope in my heart. jus hoping that none of it was actually happenin, none of it would actually happen.

i vividly remember the heated arguments, the accusatory tones, and the spiteful and malicious words. it isn't too hard to forget cos it's clearly etched into my memory.i jus listened.and was blamed for crimes i didn't commit. but as i saw the cartons gradually stackin up, it hit me hard.long and hard. i can't live without her. i jus can't. i can't vision myself not waking up to having her comfort and everlasting presence.i know things cant change, but i cant help wishing it could.

but i know that despite all that, they're the people closest to me, i will always care..and will always love them. even if i don't explicitly express care and concern everyday, i jus sincerely hope they will know.

and now as i watch the situation i have always been dreading cruelly unfold right before me, i stop and ponder helplessly.will she like me? will she treat me as her own daughter? and most importantly, will i treat her with utmost respect? i cant deny that i do not like her nor do i like her, i guess it jus lies within.
in 2 weeks, she would be moving here permanently, and in 3 they would be registering at rom. but by then, will my feelings finally matter? i guess not.i'm not saying that i do not deny him the happiness he so wholly wants,but i just wish he could make me feel that my opinions matter.that i matter.

i may be the same in school and everywhere else, but i feel different deep down,and only i will know and realize it. my mind's a blank, and my heart has this frequent terrible sinking feeling.i don't feel the need to express myself anymore, to let anything go. when i tell my closest buds about this, some remarked that i don't seem heavy-hearted about it all.it was then that i realized what i was portrayed as in their eyes. i am always determined to make it all seem casual,that i'm fine. but i never want to be regarded as insensitive,or even worse,resentful. maybe that's jus the way it works.

as i type out this entry, my voice is continuously caught in my throat, and i know it isn't because it's sore. its distinctly the feeling i always had.but i know i cant cry here.not now.so i jus continue choking back my tears.
to the ppl who think i'm jus doing this for sympathy, you can go to hell.right.now.

i'm gonna be fine,but one day,jus one day..if i need someone. i hope someone,jus anyone, will be there.

commitment.
one incident led me to this huge headache. i inevitably kept thinking abt it and i have no idea why.
sigh.blogging is supposed to help in making this huge chunk of thoughts more clear but i can't even seem to put into words how i feel. it's a common problem. i'll just get stuck here in the middle of nowhere. sigh.
oh ya. i promised shout-outs.and i'll deliver the goods right now.

to all those who have helped me through one way or another for the past shitty week.

yx: girl.ah. this babe wil always have mentions in my various blog entries so this would be my official shout-out for you. my life is like a rollercoaster ride,if you can look at it that way. without you, i certainly would have faltered and wouldn't be able to pick myself up. i think you've been an absolute angel,which you undoubtedly are. despite what others say about me,you've always known that deep down, i'm not like that. you bring out the best in people,and you've brought out the best in me definitely. your sincerity and thoughtfulness is a blessing and you never cease to make me laugh and most importantly,smile. i know i can always count on you. you've always been there. and i know you always will be. and i thank you for that,and for all the other one hundred and one things you've given me. you know i'll always be here.no matter what.

rest of e shoutouts would be continued tml hopefully.

i'm tired mans. ended at 5 today.

had a really weird week.no time to elaborate cos Lost's starting soon.

i feel so lost and empty,but it ain't nothin.
seeing all the cartons stackin up slowly at home is disheartening.i have no idea on how to describe that particular feeling.i wish someone understood..

something totally unexpected actually happened yesterday. i didn't expect it. i didn't expect my own reaction to it. and i obviously don't expect that the aftermath would be so confusing. it just happened.

sigh i ain't makin much sense here am i.

will post again like after a few days cos i'll be headin for a camp on sat n sun. i'll be postin shout-outs! =)

cya peeps,tv. =)

let me recall how i spent the whole of last week.
school.home.school.home.school.home.

ooh yes i caught batman begins at cine with gerald on wed. the plot was good and the action was mind-boggling. the scenes were stringed together perfectly. and katie holmes has a pair of doe-like peepers. really really pretty.

oh i went momo on friday night with nic kazuya geoffrey and nic's fren joanne. the place was really swanky. was a great night all in all. although the music selection was a tad eclectic.
had a great night mans due to a great company. =)

ooh heh.gotta go for lunch peeps. =)

well..i guess that's that.

i remember when i used to coincidentally bump into you in bishan
i remember the chi drama we attended back in sec 2
i remember how we met on the same train to sch
i remember how you always offered ur shoulder to prop my head when i was tired
i remember how our frenship grew truout the years
i remember what a gentleman you always were
i remember how ur smile would always brighten up my day
i remember the way you shyly turned away when i tried to take a pic
i remember how you would actually confiscate my phone after that
i remember how you would always listen to what i had to say
i remember the times when we hung out so frequently it sorta became a routine
i remember the times when smsin you came easily to me
i remember how you gushed about puss-in-boots during shrek 2
i remember how you took the effort to come early jus cos u didn't wan me to wait too long
i remember the time when we dared each other to eat some nasty lookin vegetable
i remember how you loved this girl in ur sch
i remember the heartbreak you went through
i remember myself jus listenin to what you say
i remember how i felt what you felt
i remember how i didn't want anything in this world to hurt you
i remember how i prayed for you to get through it
i remember how sad i was when we drifted
i remember when you taught me to fold hearts using straws
i remember our friendship which i still hold dear
i remember what a perfect person you are
no matter what anyone else says,
you'll always be perfect to me.

i remember not realising what it was
and i remember..how i quickly brushed a tear today when i knew
i didn't realise my feelings were true..
and then i knew..i was jus too dumb to realise..

that everything we had..became nothing at all.

sorry peeps.sentimental lena today.it was quite a huge blow to me.i didn't expect the sms to jump out at me like that.i even read it like 5 times to confirm.then i knew i was too late. oh well.in case anyone's wonderin, the person is someone i knew like 5 yrs ago.

im tired.will blog again tml.